Faded memories

Have you ever dug deep into the deeper recesses of your mind and realise that there are some things that no matter how hard you try to recall, you can't seem to be able to? Yet some, though easily a decade or more ago, remain as clear and detailed like it was just a couple of hours ago.

I'm starting to think that perhaps these are memories that may have been consciously (or sub-consciously) held on and kept alive by oneself. And sometimes it becomes terrifying that as much as you have been trying to keep the memory fresh and alive, it is slowly but surely fading away, and you don't want it to happen. Maybe this is the confusion faced by sufferers of Alzheimer's disease. Where the past is but a hazy blur.

If my memory could be presented as hard disk drive sectors, it would probably be one that would appear to be in dire need of defragmentation. With so many old memories having disappeared over time, some faded, some forcibly deleted, and new ones being added in all the time. I would like it very much to be optimised to storing new memories.

It's been barely 6 weeks, counting back, but yet it has somehow seemed way longer than that. How had that been possible, I frequently ask myself. Yet no answer comes to mind. Is this what they call "a real connection"?

Time really is a funny thing.

Home is where...

I might have said this before, but I really am not able to remember for sure. Just where is "home" nowadays. Is it, like they say, where you hang your hat? Or is it where your loyalties are? Or is it where your heart is? Or is it...

The truth is that it is all those things, and probably even more. I've never quite considered here to be "home", though it certainly has been quite awhile... and my body has long since found the bed back in SG to be rather alien, only getting a good night's rest when I eventually get back here to Jogja. Living out of a 1 bedroom (not to mention also luggage that is never really fully unpacked) sort of grows on me.

Catching a flight used to be bring much anticipation because it would mean a holiday of some sort. Not that it isn't now, but it has become something akin to taking a bus.

I certainly look forward to the day when I catch that final flight back to a place called home, and re-plant my roots there once again. I miss it.

The Eastern Wanderer

36 hours after having returned from my very first foray eastwards to a place already plenty visited by people from all over the globe, sitting in a cafe typing this, it feels a wee bit like I had never really left at all. But yes, type I must, for it has been quite awhile since the last time I did this...

"Mohon perhatian, para penumpang Garuda Indonesia penerbangan GA254 tujuan Denpasar...", the voice announced, breaking me from my reverie as I gathered up my stuff and made my way to the boarding gate. After such a long time in Indonesia, it had seemed quite unthinkable that I had never visited the famed tourist destination which was Bali, but here I was, finally making that maiden visit.

Opting to skip the overly touristy region of the many beaches which include Kuta, Legian, Seminyak, etc that make up the southern portion of Bali island, my first destination after stepping off the plane was to Padangbai. A nice little town on the eastern side of Bali which in the past was a sleepy little fishing village, now slightly transformed by tourism as it has drawn a sizable number of scuba enthusiasts owing to the magnificent coral formations, marine life, and clear waters. Five-star tourist destination it is not, but it certainly is a good place to base yourself if you like to dive, other than the excellent sites immediately in the vicinity, it also is a convenient place to launch trips further to Tulamben, Nusa Lembongan and Nusa Penida.

In line with its main attraction, is it of any great surprise that it is here that I will begin my virgin exploration of the underwater world. Signing up with Geko Dive (one of the older dive establishments here in Padangbai, which by now have several, e.g. Absolute Dive, Waterworxx, Q-Dive, just to name a few), I spent 6 glorious days in the waters off Padangbai slowly discovering what I soon started to find was becoming an addiction. An addiction to diving! And what my instructor Irene said really rang true, that no matter how many times you dive, even in the same location, the novelty never wears off, there is always something new to see. This coming from someone who has clocked some 900+ dives in the waters of Padangbai alone, it can't be very far from the truth.

The best thing I like about such locations for a holiday is that there is just that right amount of balance between a little bit of creature comfort, local culture, food, etc. I grew up in a big city. Going to yet another big city for a holiday would surely bore me to tears. Places like these are right up my alley for what I would term a holiday.

As the saying goes, time flies while you are having fun, and this was certainly true as I boarded the slow ferry to cross over to Lombok for part two of my trip. In the blink of an eye, a week had flitted by. Having done 9 dives, plenty of theory in between, interspersed with exploratory walks and some photo taking in the area around the bay area, sampling the local food, etc, it was time for me to bid farewell to Padangbai (for now, for I would be passing by again for part three, but more on that later).

The slow ferries run on a 1.5 hourly interval, departing Padangbai for Lembar harbour on Lombok with the crossing taking some 4~4.5 hours depending on the conditions at sea. Perama has a direct boat that runs between Padangbai and Senggigi (more on that later. I took it for my return journey), taking 4 hours. And finally the most expensive of the many options are the speedboats that run directly to the Gili islands from Padangbai, taking only a mere 1.5 hours.

Sitting on the top deck of the ferry during the long journey was actually pretty pleasant, with both sheltered and open-air areas to park your bottom. Many of the caucasian tourists took the opportunity to sunbathe during the long crossing, well cooked lobsters they were! Me? I found a nice shaded spot with the sea breeze coming in, and just made myself comfortable and did some thinking. I had much to think about and reflect in fact, not so much about trials and tribulations, but about what had transpired in the past 2 months or so. Oh how much things have changed, and I had found myself in that strangely familiar yet foreign, though certainly welcome, sensation of being in love again. Close friends have certainly marveled at how things have progressed, and frankly, so have I. But yet there is no real feeling that we are rushing things. Perhaps there is reason to be suitably optimistic as we make plans and take steps to make that uncertain future a little bit clearer to us. For that, I am glad. To know that we're both putting in effort to make things work out, maintaining a long distance relationship is certainly not an easy task, much less a relationship that actually started as such, although there are certainly some quarters what would say that it is actually easier to transit from "not being there" to "being there" than the other way round, but the reality of things is that, there is no right answer. Every scenario is unique. But at least with some sort of plan, there is some sense of direction for us.

A short blast of the ship's horn alerted me to the fact that land was in sight, but any hope that I harboured (pun intended) that this long journey on the sea was coming to an end was going to be sorely misplaced as we got closer to Lembar harbour. Apparently there were some construction works going on at the docks, leading to a massive "traffic jam" of sorts with three or four ferries just aimlessly floating around awaiting their turn to disgorge their loads on the pier. By the time I finally set foot on Lombok's ground, I had been on the ferry for almost 6 hours, and I was not even close to my eventual destination of Senggigi yet. From Lembar harbour it was about another hour by shuttle bus before I finally strode into the huge walled grounds of Senggigi Beach Hotel.

Located right on the frontage of the main beach in central Senggigi, the hotel is certainly very nicely located. Perhaps even more so then the other big resort (which I forgot the name of) in central Senggigi. Of course, heading further up north you will find the huge international hotel chains, but they're not really the kind of accommodation I was looking for (or afford). With a wide variety of rooms, from beachfront bungalows to villas, Senggigi Beach Hotel certainly caters to a wide variety of customers. While not fantastically beautiful, it was certainly a very nice place to relax in. Restaurant and bars within the hotel's grounds were also diverse and good enough to keep one within the resort's grounds with no real need to head outside.

Exploring the area around in central Senggigi didn't seem to turn up anything "happening" by any standards. There appears to be a couple of small bars and what looked vaguely like a disco, but suffice to say it wasn't good enough to entice me to come out again at night to give them another look-over. I was pretty contented with just lazing by the beach on a deck chair, listening to the rolling sound of the waves. Did I mention the waves? They were just about right if one is a complete newbie and wish to learn. Watching the local kids riding the surf, I was almost tempted to give it a go. With the beach facing westwards, it was really an ideal location to view sunsets from, although luck and weather was not on my side. If the weather was clear, we could supposedly see the majestic Gunung Agung on Bali from here!

Plenty of dive operators could be found here in Senggigi, but they are mostly satellite offices for the main ones on the Gili islands. About an hour north of Senggigi. If one likes to stay in comfy resorts, then this would definitely be the option to take. Staying in Senggigi, then doing day-trip dives up in Gili. Because the accommodation options there are much simpler. But for me, if there is going to be an intention to dive in Lombok, I would definitely opt to head straight to Gili by the speedboats from Padangbai. The hassles involved in getting to and fro from Bali to Lombok is one I could do without.

Fed-up with the delays that involve the ferry crossing, I decided to give Perama (a bigscale tourism transport solution company here in Indonesia) a go. I could not have possibly made a poorer decision than this for my whole holiday. Shock number one came when I was led to beach instead of a pier. Shock number two came when I was instructed to remove my shoes and roll up my pants! Apparently we had to wade into the water a little bit to climb onto a small boat which would bring us to the Perama boat that was anchored further out. Notice that I had mentioned "boat" and not "ship". The Perama vessel was pretty small.. .about 25~30m in length. Getting on, I knew I was going to be in for one hell of a ride across the choppy sea, and boy was I right, having the passenger area right up near the bow didn't help any. Alternating between struggling to keep my breakfast in and looking at my watch, I somehow miraculously survived 4 hours without upchucking. Seeing a pod of dolphins and some flying fishes along the way helped somewhat I suppose, but the nausea made it rather difficult to enjoy the experience. Not having been seasick before, this was a totally new (and unwelcome!) experience. I guess I will put up with longer journey times and take the slow ferry in future, not to mention it being significantly cheaper, coming in at slightly less than a third of the cost of a Perama ticket.

Stepping on terra firma once again at Padangbai, I could have kissed the ground. Bus transfer to Ubud was straightforward enough, with me arriving in the cultural heart of Bali after slightly over an hour. The influence of tourism had not escaped my notice with the heavy traffic choking up much of the narrow roads here, and also the multi-national crowd that walked up and down the streets of Ubud. Comparing one cultural center with another, Ubud certainly has much more appeal than Jogja. Not only in terms of catering to the international tourist trade, but also the scenes and sights on offer. One can't help but realise why Jogja has bemoaned lack of growth and development in comparison to Bali. Without the right amount of supporting infrastructure, it just wasn't going to happen. Hopping onto an ojek (that's a scooter-taxi for the uninitiated), we zipped through the traffic from the Perama office in Ubud to my hotel, Champlung Sari, which was nicely situated just a stone's throw away from the famed Monkey Forest of Ubud. At S$89 a night, I must say the rooms at Champlung Sari were remarkably good value for money. Though a far cry from the luxurious villas offered elsewhere, it was clean and comfy. It also featured a rather interesting layout with the bed right smack in the center of the room, meaning you can actually walk around all 4 sides of the bed.

Walking down the main streets of Ubud, I realise one thing, that I have to come back here again. There are so many things to see that my extremely short one night stay here could not possibly be sufficient. Beyond that, there were also a wide variety of knick-knacks and artwork on sale that would look great in a home (once I get one of my own that is). In a way that could be a highlight for me, would be meeting up with Jo and Charles for dinner. Imagine that. Some 2000km from home and with some stroke of luck, our schedules coincided right here in Ubud. It was also quite a different way to spend CNY as compared to previous years, away from home but yet in the company of friends. Nice though.

Running out of things to say already... but to sum it up, Bali again in future? Definitely. Lombok? Maybe.

Jom does not live here anymore

How would that sound for a new blog title?

Taking Stock

It's the time of the year again where the holiday cheer pervades into every aspect of our lives, from having our ears forcibly intruded with christmas tunes, decorations everywhere, and of course, people frantically shopping. On a second thought, when are we NOT shopping?

Anyway it's usually about this time of the year that I sort of sit back and take stock of what had happened through the course of the year, not just in my own private life, but well... life as a whole, including some events that probably don't concern me at all. A brief recollection was sobering indeed, 2008 hasn't exactly been the best of years. Perhaps in a way, I can even say that it probably is the worst. On the flip side, once you've hit rock bottom, it shouldn't go any other way than up from then on right? Right... I already hear the cynics and skeptics going "tsk!"

Despite all the death, doom, and gloom, there nonetheless have been a few bright sparks that marked an otherwise lousy year. Family - Only in times of crisis will you realise the unconditional love and support family members can give. Friends - I'm glad they are there. All the time in the quiet unobtrusive way friends are, they are always around. We may not meet, but it does not mean the connection is broken.

Perhaps in a strange, warped, twisted way, 2008 would be sort of a year that I "really grew up". Things that I thought impossible... well... perhaps weren't that impossible in reality to happen after all. And it's not just one particular thing, but several. Like a good buddy of mine A said, "Nothing surprises me anymore". Perhaps he really is right. After having gone through a similar experience.

This has also been a year where I finally sort of gained a deeper understanding and insight into the course I am taking - Anthropology. An understanding into its basic concepts and how its applications may be translated into real-world everyday life. In how we (I mean, I) think, perceive, and subsequently act on the things we come across. It has sort of opened up my mind to alot of things which well... as I said above "impossible". Looking at them in a different light, and understanding them in a different way.

Having already "wasted" slightly over a quarter of a century worth of life on learning life's lessons, some the hard way, perhaps it is time to finally start living it the way it should. Thanks to the strange confluence of events and support from close friends, this year would also mark me setting into motion a plan that is slightly more concrete than just mere dreams, thoughts, and talk.

With 11 days to go, Farewell 2008. Good riddance! And Hello 2009 :) May you be better than the last.

Weekend of many events

It was fun to be a tourist yet again in what I have fast come to regard as a 2nd home, with D and P (Big thanks to both of you for the company!) stopping over here in Jogja on their cross Java-Bali trip. It certainly made a what is usually mundane weekend into a fun-filled one. The only one disappointment would be that the weather up at Kaliurang was not cooperative, and we did not get to see the top of the majestic Gunung Merapi.

A few nights ago, I almost subconsciously blurted out a phrase which I have not uttered for a long long time. Why almost? I haven't got a clue. But I somehow caught myself at the last moment before the words left my lips. Did it come out of my heart? Or did it come out of an old habit? Maybe it's because I wasn't sure that's why I caught myself. To only say them when I really mean it, rather than it just being a flippant remark.

The way things are obscured now are not unlike how the clouds had obscured the view of Merapi. It could remain clouded for a mere 15 minutes. Or stay shrouded and hidden for god knows how long more.

16 days more to go. *tik tok tik tok*

Mean what you say?

Personally I haven't had a problem with this, I usually already do. Well... not exactly. Which is usually the exact phrase that people closer to me would realise what I am about to say or had said was "veiled" to a certain extent. Of course, usually (read: hopefully) they are for civil reasons rather than willfully just saying something just for the sake of saying it.

Maybe my past experiences (read: bad and negative) had made me somewhat cynical to what people say to me... that it's hard to just take things at face value anymore. Over-analysing some might call it? But one experience too many of words of endearment or affection being uttered without real feeling behind them have made me a little skeptical.

Someone please clobber me over the head. Why am I casting doubt when there is no reason to.