Jom does not live here anymore

How would that sound for a new blog title?

Taking Stock

It's the time of the year again where the holiday cheer pervades into every aspect of our lives, from having our ears forcibly intruded with christmas tunes, decorations everywhere, and of course, people frantically shopping. On a second thought, when are we NOT shopping?

Anyway it's usually about this time of the year that I sort of sit back and take stock of what had happened through the course of the year, not just in my own private life, but well... life as a whole, including some events that probably don't concern me at all. A brief recollection was sobering indeed, 2008 hasn't exactly been the best of years. Perhaps in a way, I can even say that it probably is the worst. On the flip side, once you've hit rock bottom, it shouldn't go any other way than up from then on right? Right... I already hear the cynics and skeptics going "tsk!"

Despite all the death, doom, and gloom, there nonetheless have been a few bright sparks that marked an otherwise lousy year. Family - Only in times of crisis will you realise the unconditional love and support family members can give. Friends - I'm glad they are there. All the time in the quiet unobtrusive way friends are, they are always around. We may not meet, but it does not mean the connection is broken.

Perhaps in a strange, warped, twisted way, 2008 would be sort of a year that I "really grew up". Things that I thought impossible... well... perhaps weren't that impossible in reality to happen after all. And it's not just one particular thing, but several. Like a good buddy of mine A said, "Nothing surprises me anymore". Perhaps he really is right. After having gone through a similar experience.

This has also been a year where I finally sort of gained a deeper understanding and insight into the course I am taking - Anthropology. An understanding into its basic concepts and how its applications may be translated into real-world everyday life. In how we (I mean, I) think, perceive, and subsequently act on the things we come across. It has sort of opened up my mind to alot of things which well... as I said above "impossible". Looking at them in a different light, and understanding them in a different way.

Having already "wasted" slightly over a quarter of a century worth of life on learning life's lessons, some the hard way, perhaps it is time to finally start living it the way it should. Thanks to the strange confluence of events and support from close friends, this year would also mark me setting into motion a plan that is slightly more concrete than just mere dreams, thoughts, and talk.

With 11 days to go, Farewell 2008. Good riddance! And Hello 2009 :) May you be better than the last.

Weekend of many events

It was fun to be a tourist yet again in what I have fast come to regard as a 2nd home, with D and P (Big thanks to both of you for the company!) stopping over here in Jogja on their cross Java-Bali trip. It certainly made a what is usually mundane weekend into a fun-filled one. The only one disappointment would be that the weather up at Kaliurang was not cooperative, and we did not get to see the top of the majestic Gunung Merapi.

A few nights ago, I almost subconsciously blurted out a phrase which I have not uttered for a long long time. Why almost? I haven't got a clue. But I somehow caught myself at the last moment before the words left my lips. Did it come out of my heart? Or did it come out of an old habit? Maybe it's because I wasn't sure that's why I caught myself. To only say them when I really mean it, rather than it just being a flippant remark.

The way things are obscured now are not unlike how the clouds had obscured the view of Merapi. It could remain clouded for a mere 15 minutes. Or stay shrouded and hidden for god knows how long more.

16 days more to go. *tik tok tik tok*

Mean what you say?

Personally I haven't had a problem with this, I usually already do. Well... not exactly. Which is usually the exact phrase that people closer to me would realise what I am about to say or had said was "veiled" to a certain extent. Of course, usually (read: hopefully) they are for civil reasons rather than willfully just saying something just for the sake of saying it.

Maybe my past experiences (read: bad and negative) had made me somewhat cynical to what people say to me... that it's hard to just take things at face value anymore. Over-analysing some might call it? But one experience too many of words of endearment or affection being uttered without real feeling behind them have made me a little skeptical.

Someone please clobber me over the head. Why am I casting doubt when there is no reason to.

Old songs, friends and bookends

For someone who can hardly sing, or even play a musical instrument, it perhaps is strange that music have such a big influence and presence in my life. They never fail to evoke some kind of emotion or memory from deep within, especially if it is a particular piece that "trademarked" a period of my life, held some special meaning, or was basically "the song" that was attributed to a person or a group of people.

Anyway, after yet another DVD failed on me, I decided to dig out all my old audio CDs I have here and import them into the computer before they too suffer the fate of their less well-taken care of compatriots.

It was a mixed bag of emotions over the weekend as I went through songs... some old, some relatively new, but each bringing back memories of the past. Some going back as far as when I was 12. It's funny how one doesn't forget even after all these years. Each memory when dug out as fresh as if it just happened yesterday.

As iTunes slowly played and went through the songlist, it was akin to looking at shelf after shelf of books... each book being a portion of my life. Each bearing a title of a song. Each period bookended (is there such a word?) similarly by a song tied to some kind of event.

It's almost as good as browsing through an old photo album. Except the pictures exist only in my head. If only there was some way of bringing them out now...

We have it all now

Well, not exactly. As the saying goes, one wants his cake and eat it too. But sometimes there are things that stop us from sinking our teeth into the sweet savoury (insert cake of choice). Or perhaps an even more pathetic situation would be finding your plate empty. No cake.

But if the plate was a city by the name of Jogja, and what is available on the buffet table are natural disasters, this old city with a rich and strong Javanese tradition, certainly has one too many things on its plate now.

A very much active volcano that has erased a few hamlets from existence in its history, an earthquake that leveled 90% of the southern regency, and now... there are whirlwinds. One of which tore through the Gadjah Mada campus, uprooting poles, trees, snapping them into half, ...

Anyway back to the topic of cakes. Well, there is one now. But yet I am hesitant to really take a bite. Is it really because I don't want to, or sub-consciously I want to but am afraid and fearful. This is probably just the same old problem rehashed over and over again. And oddly enough, experience has not made me any wiser in making decisions like this. Guess I'll just go with the flow and not think too much.

If only it was that easy eh?

Where are all the ants?

Broken wings. Millions of them (Ok. Maybe I'm exaggerating. But there were certainly thousands at least) lay all over the ground when I walked to campus early this morning. But where were all the ants that "owned" those wings? It was as if yesterday's deluge had washed out just about every single colony here in the city.

Anyway, this wasn't really intended to be talking about ants and their wings. But rather, their determination to accomplish a certain task no matter how difficult. Think: moving food that is impossibly larger and heavier than themselves.

I finally decided to write. Well, not here. But write a story of sorts as prompted by a dear friend as a means of filling in spare time I have on my hands. Having never done this before the task certainly seems daunting as I pondered on a plot and outline. And yesterday while standing in the local Apple reseller's shop... I hit upon it. A story entirely written on a mobile device. Character by character. Word by word. I shall slowly flesh out the story. And the best part? No pressure to have to sit down and open up a laptop to type, or have paper and pen with me all the time.

Ok, lousy reason to add to the list of "Why I need (read: want) an iPod touch". *cackle* But at least I can find some use for it other than purely for iCal and playing music. :D

Rained in

Having had all my grand plans on doing a long ride this morning been derailed by rain, here I am trapped in my room with nowhere to go, and facing the prospect of another home cooked meal.

Good thing I managed to get some reading material from Periplus yesterday. Which reminds me... While catching up with a couple of old friends (read: exchange gossip. LOL), I was shocked to learn that one of our mutual friend is now sitting in the slammer. WTF! Sometimes I can't quite comprehend what compels people to push the limits to that point and take such a gamble with doing things that they well know they shouldn't be. But then again...

A cloud above my head

Don't you sometimes feel as if there is a dark cloud hovering just above your head, ever ready to unleash a thunderstorm of epic proportions onto you. For yesterday's ride, I managed to outrun that cloud, an actual one, not the imagined one. Only to have it unleash its fury just bare meters away from home as a reminder to nature's almighty power over physical constructs like us.

What does the above have to do with anything? Well, just thought it was kind of an odd reflection of what has transpired in my otherwise monotonous life of late. Just when I thought I had outrun the dark cloud above me, I had seemingly run into another. One that seemingly has a silver lining, despite the immense odds stacked.

Well... I'm a sucker for bad odds and punishment. :P Bring it on!

Secret

Wouldn't it be nice if we could say all that we want to say to other people without it being judged or forming any sort of prejudice?

To open up entirely to that person, leaving no skeletons hanging in the closet. For that person to accept you as you are. Doesn't come easy to some people I suppose, by way of character or conditioning, to be guarded by nature.

But.. Ssssh. It's a secret. And maybe that's what gives the whole process of getting to truly know someone a certain amount of mysteriousness and allure.

Changes

Yep, I've returned to blogging at really odd hours as I crawled out of bed at 3am to finish up a paper which I had no inspiration to write last night.

Over the course of the past 2 weeks, I seem to have found myself changing, albeit slightly, in my attitude towards certain things as those familiar yet foreign feelings take control of me. Suddenly, there it is again. Of course I am no fool to expect that things would remain in a state of stasis forever, but it has certainly preoccupied a great portion of my thoughts of late...

As D said in his most recent blogpost, timing is everything. And well, perhaps he is right. I can only hope that this time I am in "in sync".

Emo virus going around

Away! Away!

A simple love

Friends who have been looking at my FB would probably know by now this song has been stuck in my head recently (along with some others... :P). As we grow older, it seems that love is not so simple anymore, lost are the purity and innocence of the love we knew when we were younger, a love that easily transcends all boundaries and difficulties. Is it that we become jaded and cynical over time as other considerations creep in when we have to make choices to love, or receive love. Can we strip away the superficial coverings? Will I? Will you? Will we? Discover a simple love again.

Jay fans... this is for you.

簡單愛

曲: 周杰倫
词: 徐若瑄


說不上為什麼
我變得很主動
若愛上一個人 / 什麼都會值得去做

我想大聲宣佈
對妳依依不捨
連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受

河邊 / 的風 / 在吹著頭髮/ 飄動
牽著 / 妳的/ 手一陣莫名/ 感動
我想帶妳回我的外婆家
一起 / 看著日落 / 一直到我們都睡著

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛能不能夠永遠單純沒有悲哀
我 想帶妳騎單車
我 想和妳看棒球
想這樣沒擔憂 唱著歌 一直走
我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛可不可以簡簡單單沒有傷害
妳 靠著我的肩膀
妳 在我胸口睡著
像這樣的生活 我愛妳 妳愛我

想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛

想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛

18 again

After all the hustle and bustle leading up to my short hiatus back Singapore, and the event packed stay back home, and finally back here in Jogja again, I have at last found some time to myself to sit down and blog about some of the things happening in the past few weeks.

The 10 days seem to have flown by in the blink of an eye, and well... I would say it was nothing short of magical. Not so much the activities, but the people I was with, and newly met.

Perhaps age is catching up, but I certainly had not expected that such an emotion creep up on me and strike me with such force that I feel like I was 18 all over again. Even if it eventually turns out to be nothing, I am thankful for having it happen, making me feel alive again, letting me know that I had not completely closed off those corners of my mind and heart.

Sevens and Sixes

Old habits die hard. They die even harder when you're still stuck in the same routine with minute changes. Case in point, me moving to another room within the same building. By habit born out of the at least a thousand elevator rides, I instinctively pressed 7 instead of 6.

The irony of "downgrading" is that... I seem to have gained some better amenities. A better a/c and fridge! I wonder what the heck they were thinking when they outfitted the rooms...

A sunday morning cycling session in 10 points.

1. I woke up late.
2. I realised I forgot to bring the hand pump. But did not go back to get it.
3. I forgot to bring makan.
4. I forgot to bring iPod.
5. I brought my camera. But forgot to insert memory card.
6. I did not recheck my tyre pressure before leaving.
7. I got a puncture.
8. I got a puncture again.
9. I wasted much of the morning walking instead of cycling.
10. I learned my lesson. Don't wake up late.

Of boxes and barang

Today marks Day 1 of moving as I try to motivate myself and drag my sorry ass to put things away into boxes so I have an easier time carrying them downstairs. Sort of looking forward to it as the months slip by and I start to put the past behind. If nothing else, this would force me to once and for all pack/throw away the things that no longer belong here. The tradeoffs for a lower rental being some furniture (not that they were all that nice to begin with), one floor lower, no bathtub (not that I use it either!), and a smaller bed (which... heh. doesn't really matter now does it?)

As I look at the scattered mass of books and barang that I have accumulated over a scant 2 years... All I want to do is just crawl back under the comforter and snooze. Zzz...

Thy Rain Hath Cometh

Is that title correct in old english? Heh. Suddenly got a little nostalgic about Shakespeare and his works. Anyway, as fresh as, for lack of an easier description, clean bedsheets, rain fell upon the city of Jogja a few mornings ago. Just when I was wondering when the "winter" season would end...

It is time to start anew. :)

3/4 of the way there...

What an adventure yesterday's ride turned out to be. The first 30km or so to Samas beach proved to be no sweat as I pedaled out of the city in the early hours of the morning (at 0530 to be exact!).

How is Samas? Well.. It was one hell of a sad place compared to Parangtritis. And certainly enough to deter me from bothering to stray off the main roads to look at the other beaches on the southern coastline.

The conditions of the road were pretty nice, long straight stretches through the miles of rice fields, except for the portion where I seemed to be on an unmarked (yet tarred) road immediately after leaving Samas (you can see this portion on the map). I was in for a rude shock after cresting a small incline... the road suddenly ended and gave way to a steep downslope trail strewn with rocks of all sizes. Now, when one is on skinny road tyres that is so not the surface to be cycling on. Thankfully I did not shred the tyre or get a pinch flat as I rocketed down the slope while trying to stop and not lock up the brakes or break the bike or crash or any of the above combination.

At the huge bridge at Srandakan, I was faced with a dilemma on whether to push on or turn back, as by now the weather was becoming rather hot and I was woefully aware of a stomach that was crying out for proper food (and not fruitbars!)... If I turned back at this point and followed the same route back, I would just touch 100km. Unfortunately, I had a misplaced desire to try an achieve my first century (100miles or 160km) today.

Still not properly dialed into the bike at this point of time... the knee voiced its concerns as I passed the bridge at Glagah. Thus ending the push for the day and making a slow cycle back home. If only there is a professional here to help me fit the bike. The slow method of making an adjustment, riding, making an adjustment again, riding is surely going to end up taking a long time.

Got to be more progressive as I pile on the distance I think... century it is not, but at least I made 3/4 of it :P

Outbound Route

Homeward Route

Where has all the rain gone?

While categorically I hate rain for a variety of reasons, it is sometimes a welcomed relief. I've seen heavy dark looming clouds, rain forecasts even, but have yet to see one single drop of rain since 10 Aug. The heavens must be devoid of tears...

Freedom is as boundless as the sky and the ocean

And while we crave the freedom we all want, we sometimes choose to bind ourselves.

beyond:海阔天空
　词　曲: 黄家驹
　今天我寒夜里看雪飘过
　怀著冷却了的心窝飘远方
　风雨里追赶
　雾里分不清影踪
　天空海阔你与我
　可会变(谁没在变)
　多少次迎著冷眼与嘲笑
　从没有放弃过心中的理想
　一刹那恍惚
　若有所失的感觉
　不知不觉已变淡
　心里爱(谁明白我)
　原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由
　也会怕有一天会跌倒
　被弃了理想谁人都可以
　那会怕有一天只你共我
　今天我寒夜里看雪飘过
　怀著冷却了的心窝飘远方
　风雨里追赶
　雾里分不清影踪
　天空海阔你与我
　可会变(谁没在变)
　原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由
　也会怕有一天会跌倒
　被弃了理想谁人都可以
　那会怕有一天只你共我
　music
　仍然自由自我
　永远高唱我歌
　走遍千里
　原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由
　也会怕有一天会跌倒
　被弃了理想谁人都可以
　那会怕有一天只你共我
　被弃了理想谁人都可以
　那会怕有一天只你共我
　原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由
　也会怕有一天会跌倒
　被弃了理想谁人都可以
　那会怕有一天只你共我
　music

There but not quite

Ride distance: 61km
Ride time: 3h 8min

The weather was perfect for a day's ride, heavy overcast, but unfortunately rotten for photographic opportunities. Anyway, today I attempted to explore an alternative route down to Parangtritis, with the intention of passing through Imogiri - Panggang.

Woe to me, I had severely underestimated the steep climbs up Gunung Sewu, the long string of mountains that make up most of the Gunung Kidul regency. Not to mention getting lost while trying to get myself onto Jalan Imogiri to begin with. (Note to self: Turn right upon seeing Polsek Umbulharjo)

Needless to say, I didn't make it to the coast, after having wasted an immense amount of effort climbing up what turned out to be the wrong road leading up a spurline to the royal cemetery of Imogiri, I was totally sapped of energy. And it was only a mere 200+m climb in terms of height! I *shall* return again. If nothing else it makes for good training.

Anyway since this was the first ride on the new bike, I spent some time getting used to the different riding positions, shifting and braking. After 50km or so, every small error in posturing/position makes sure you know in the form of pain. (Note to self: Saddle moved forward 1cm. Height dropped to 5.5)

Next Ride: Trisik, Glagah and Congot beaches?

On the 2nd leg

And so I have concluded a quarter century of existence and begun on the journey towards the "magical" half-century. Would I even see it? Now that is something worth pondering considering the fact that humans in general seem to be preoccupied with (not) dying or some other doomsday prophecy.

Despite having been here in Jogja for 2 years, this is the first time I am setting foot into Ceasar's Palace, one of the supposedly happening clubs here, though the club proper isn't exactly open yet, it functions as a restaurant and pool hall.

If nothing else, the food here is pretty decent in both quality and price. The internet connection is also surprisingly fast. But my only gripe is the alcohol selection... the menu has a long list of imported wines... from which I picked a Riesling, only to be told that they only had house-pour available. Sigh.

A big thanks to everyone who sent me their well-wishes ;) It's nice to receive them even though I'm just about a billion miles from home. And the news that my bicycle arrived today provided the icing for an otherwise mundane day. This means I am free to go riding this entire weekend and exploring other routes in this home away from home. :D

Changes

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same. - Keane "Everybody's Changing"

Though gone for but a short six weeks from here, I was surprised by the amount of changes that had happened in that space of time. It was either some extremely fast and efficient work or I had just simply lost touch with reality in the months prior and not noticed the on-going changes, only to realise and rediscover them when I'm back.

Perhaps one of the most positive ones are the fact that there are new street lamps city-wide, those orange tungsten lamps similar to the ones we have on our roads back home in sg. And also, almost all the roads have been resurfaced. It's almost as though the city here was preparing for an F1 race too! Anyway, with the road improvements, it solved my dilemma on the type of bicycle to get. Awaiting anxiously for it to arrive from Solo's Rodalink since it was the closest branch that held stock. Not the best frame nor groupset in the market... but it'll do for an amateur like me. Can't wait to start riding again. 2 weeks break from the saddle seems too long.

Anyway, back to the topic of changes. Had some time again to self-reflect on some of the on-goings in my life... I realised I had changed (or perhaps had not changed, and everyone else is), but whatever it is, some readjustment and recalibration seems to be in order. Would I have the courage to say the same words that had come so easily to me years ago? Some people obviously had no problem with that. So what is this barrier that I am facing now. I hope in time I would find an answer.

Back again. Same old place.

And so, here I am again. Back in this tiny room which I have begun to call "home" more than any other place at the moment. Have not had the time nor energy to blog in the preceding weeks as I had packed in almost every day with some activity to occupy me as the days left in Singapore rapidly fell away.

Needless to say there were copious amounts of drinking and merry-making with friends, without whom this trip back would not have been filled with the joy, laughter and tears. Just want to take this time out to say a big THANK YOU! to all of you. All of you have reminded me of what true friends are like. ;)

Finished reading P.S. I Love You last night... Not having watched the show, I do not know if it is any good, but the book is simply fab (think heart-moving and tear-jerking). Just to share with you all a short portion I found particularly poignant:

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you for ever, no matter what.

I wish I could say for certain I have indeed found my true soul mate, but like love, sometimes these are one-way streets. But then again.. like all true feelings, they require no reciprocation from the other party yes? Just something to think about as the seconds in our lives tick away.

Down the long endless road

Despite waking up late (by *cough* about 6 hours), in a burst of determination, I set off on yet another ride. This time heading up towards the North then West.

Battling against the gentle slopes and then the stiff headwind on Lim Chu Kang Road, it certainly brought back a flood of memories from a time not too long ago, when in the company of good buddies, we pounded the hard tar road with our combat boots through the misty night.

While some of us had evidently kept in touch... to the rest, where have you all gone? -_-

Of course that had not been the only time I was there... but well, somehow between bringing my boys out and walking that route and doing it with friends is just different. It's not the weight in the alicepack, but the responsibility that somehow weighs one down more.

For all the advances SG has made... tucked away in a small corner of Kranji, one can still find old hawker centers. Think the slightly run down, dirty variety (though still conforming to ministry standards) that have all but disappeared from our urbanscape, replaced with clean sanitized centers that have even abit of "chic" in its design, with wooden beam flooring etc.

Soaking in the sun (and rain)

As another Saturday here in Singapore slowly ticks away I am once again hammering on the keyboard, this time in a place which can be considered new to me - The revamped Big Slash at East Coast Park, now complete with many new eateries. Just sitting on one of the park benches along the beach, soaking in the sun, having the sea breeze blow through my (rather short) hair, I felt totally relaxed and at peace with the world. The solitude was nice as I just cleared the mind and spaced out for a good 15 to 20 minutes there.

What am I doing inside an air-conditioned coffee place now instead you may ask, well... it's Singapore afterall. A brief but extremely heavy rain forced just about every outdoor activity to come to a stand-still. With everyone dashing for shelter of the food outlets, theirs cars, or the rain shelters liberally built along the main track.

Will be here in the area again tomorrow as I am planning another ride, this time with hopefully a cooperative weather so I can make it all the way to Pasir Ris before looping back home.

Exploring the Park Connectors

On one windy, rainy early morning, I went off to accomplish one of the things I had planned for this rather long return back to Singapore. Explore our much lauded park connector network. A 75km ride that took me from home, through 5 (Bishan, Kallang, Geylang, Tanjung Rhu, Coastal) Park Connectors, 2 major parks (East Coast and Changi Beach), many other stretches of road, and some really beautiful scenary.

For the uninitiated, the Coastal Park Connector at the very least ought to be on the "Must Explore" list. It is really a beautiful route and tranquil ride. One that has definitely got my interest in returning and this time make the ride all the way Pasir Ris as the heavy rain derailed my initial plans of doing so.

Despite it being a weekday, I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of people who were out and about taking a morning stroll, or running for the fitness buffs.

The Last Adventure of TofuMobil

TofuMobil @ Colmar Tropicale

And in the same vein that I close a chapter to my life, I bid a silent farewell to a ride that has served me well over the past 3.5 years, saving me much petrol, and my life as well. Rene Benoit, his successor, is slated to arrive some time around the 25th of this month.

With a dear friend R at my side, and K (mostly slumped in the back in a comatose state LOL), we drove off into the sunset. Ah, did I make it sound overly romantic? It wasn't supposed to be so, for we watched the fading light of day together with a couple of hundred other vehicles stuck in the perpetual jam at the Tuas checkpoint as we awaited our turn to cross over and let TofuMobil stretch its legs for one last run. And what a run it has turned out to be, up and down the NSH, in and around KL, up and down Genting Highlands. After having talked about this trip for months, it was finally a reality. And the much enjoyable weekend had flashed by before we even know it.

We had departed with overflowing anticipation. We ate and drank our hearts out. Did some touristy things. Took photos of just about everything. All in all, it was an absolutely smashing weekend.

Anyway, this isn't meant to talk about the trip in detail... for that I will leave it to the Gorilla.

I feel lost after coming back. I laugh and joke it off that "it is going to explode soon", but really, I am starting to realise it goes deeper than that. Some kind of loneliness I just can't shake, despite the great and wonderful company I am in. Is it remotely possible that I am subconsciously yearning for someone else despite knowing full well that time and space is not on my side.

As the hours quickly tick away to the impending moment where I put the pen to the paper and put the full-stop and irrevocably put my life on another course, the future looks even murkier than usual without a strong presence at my side.

Through virgin eyes

At a grand old age of 25 years, 10 months, and 14 days... I lost my virginity. Uhm... Oh scrub your filthy minds. It's not what you think it is.

Today (6 July 2008), in the company of wonderful friends, I made my virgin trip to Pulau Ubin. Yes, believe it or not, despite my line of work and some love for the outdoor, I had never set foot on this little island, located a mere 7 minutes away from mainland Singapore via bumboat.

Stepping off the jetty, I was struck by the rustic surroundings. Despite the short distances involved, and the fact that this is still part of Singapore... There is a world of difference between the two. Although there are a couple of new buildings here and there, the old charm of the kampungs is still very much alive here. I suddenly felt like I had been transported back in time (also geographically... it felt like I was in the villages in Indonesia again!)



Coconut trees... something not in short supply on this island!


A quick look around showed the main livelihood of the last remaining villager-Singaporeans... Food&Drinks and... Bicycle rental! Numbering in the hundreds and in a variety of sizes from child to adult full-sized mountainbikes, there is a two-wheeler for just about anybody that comes here for a quick getaway from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Pedaling out of the main village at the jetty we headed West. On account of the company we were in and the fact that I got myself a real creaky bike (which was more effective than a bell in warning people I was approaching!), we gave the Ketam trail a miss, but instead continued on to the end of the road which was Wat Siam... or what was left of it. Not fully aware of the history behind the demolition, I felt it was quite a waste to destroy an old temple just because they have decided to move elsewhere. At any rate, the deed was done, and all we could see was the remnants of the flooring where a temple once stood.

Re-tracing our route back to the central area, this time we headed northwards via Jalan Batu Ubin. After hitting the long up-slope... in a moment of glee the 3 of us in front foolishly speeded down the down-slope immediately after... Wind in our hair... grins on our faces... and also completely oblivious to a certain Gorilla hollering at us from behind to STOP AND TURN LEFT! We only realised our folly when we reached the bottom and saw the signboard that read "Jalan Ubin" and not "Jalan Noordin". Good grief! The pedaling back up the slope ensured we learned our lesson well!



Gorilla on two wheels


Noordin Beach itself... well... It was nothing special, though the stakes planted just a little off the coastline would make a pretty picture, and for the birders, this would also be a good place to frame a shot of the egrets which seem to have taken a liking to perching themselves on top of the stakes.

After some confusion initially on which was the right trail, we happily went on our way into the forest. Only to realise when we emerged that the trail was actually closed due to some danger or other! Apparently they had happily marked one end of the trail with orange netting and signs... but there weren't any signs where we entered. And well... the orange net was on the ground! (which we promptly rode over. LOL!)

After a rest and much needed drinks at the "Cookie Monster" house, we proceeded on to the final part of our trip - Chek Jawa. Maybe it is just me, but somehow I found the construction of the boardwalk has blemished the natural beauty of the place. Sure it has opened up the area and made it more accessible to visitors but the artificial feel of walking on it seems somehow wrong to me. Perhaps the memories of the swamp walks in the mangroves of Temburong Brunei have made my view biased. That aside, it was a pleasant enough walk in the late afternoon sun, and we were treated to a sighting of "Singapore's only wild population of the Oriental Pied Hornbill". Some orgasmic noises were made as we (Ok, actually only one person... You know who you are! LOL!) oohed and ahhed over the really unique looking bird.

In some 3 hours we had covered quite abit of ground as far as exploring Ubin goes... But this is merely scratching the surface as we had stuck mostly to roads and established trails. Some additional walking and biking should be able to let us appreciate more of the nature.

In the warm glow of the setting sun we returned to the main village and how could we depart without having sampled some of the local cooking? Special it is not, but as far as the standard of cooking goes, it was delicious enough for our ravenous appetites after an afternoon of biking.

Return trip? Definitely. And this time round to schedule the visits to coincide with the tide and rising/setting sun to capture some really beautiful photos.

1st World Country. No 1st World Manners?

Remember I was talking about our world class transportation? Taking the MRT over the past few days have led me to observe that the basic courtesy that was lacking from ten over years ago, is still lacking now. I still do not understand why the people getting on have to squeeeeeeze in, when there are obviously alot of people getting off, the painted yellow lines on the floor oblivious to them.

Maybe I've been abroad for a little too long. But seeing this sort of behaviour really irks me.

... and so, we live again.

What is it that they say about near-death experiences? That it makes you treasure life more?

Coupled together with an event that totally freaked me out, I think... both me an CP have developed a new taste for life. Perhaps it really was not our time to go yet. We're a real bunch of lucky SOBs...

After having come back to Singapore for just these few days, going around, taking public transport, and all, it really feels like I am a foreigner in my own country. Everything seems so new... so advanced... Although we can bitch and moan about transportation costs and SBS/SMRT who keep hiking up the prices, the reality is that we really do have a world-class transportation system to be proud of. Reasonably fast, clean, and reliable.

It surely felt kind of strange when I passed the all-too-familiar Newton MRT station.. I felt as if I had been transported back in time. When a much younger me was still schooling, having exams, and single. Looking at my situation now 10 over years since then... It's like I've gone a full circle.

Anyway, I'm glad that I'm back regardless of the multitude of unfortunate events to have befallen me. It feels good to be back home.

Music of the ages

Another entry in the dead of the night by me as I take a break from typing important stuff to typing rubbish in here :)

iTunes is open as usual blasting out a medley of tunes and hits from my eclectic music taste. I suddenly realised if I were to look closer at the mish-mash jumble of genres I listen to today are actually a culmination of milestones in my life, each one being marked by a particular genre or mix of genres I listen to.

Lately it has gone off on a totally different tangent as I deal with some changes in my life as I open myself up again to the world out there.

Just want to say thanks to all of you that mattered and were there for me when I needed a listening ear most and the blackness of the night couldn't seem to get any darker. Cheers.

What did you realise?

Thanks for sharing this with me. You know who you are.

Colbie Caillat - Realize
http://www.colbiecaillatmusic.com/video3.asp

V1: Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

C: If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

V2: Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.

C: If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.

V3: It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

C: If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

OoOoOOo

missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now

Have you shook hands with the Devil?

Stumbled on this particular book in the anthro library (affectionally called kandang or stable/coop by anthro students from time immemorial) the other day, not having the opportunity to borrow it yet, the brief flip through the preface by the author certainly made for a compelling read.

2 things struck me. I can't quote the exact words so I'll just try to paraphrase the idea.

1. I know not God exists. But having seen and shook hands with the Devil, I am sure He must exist somewhere.

2. Sian Cansfield, Dallaire's researcher and shadow author, took her own life even before being able to see the culmination of their efforts published.

Despite the world having swore to not ever allow something like this to ever happen again after WW2, clearly somewhere along the way we, as a collective, as a member of the human race, have forgotten or strayed off the path of humanity. And the events and possibly details turned up in Cansfield's research sickened her to the point of suicidal depression.

Have we learned from the lessons in history? Progress certainly does have an amnesiac effect on the people who matter most. The decision makers.

Dance with me?

I know. I can't dance to save my life. But...

Dance with me tonight (Music & Lyrics OST)

It’s been so long
Since I’ve known right from wrong
Got no job, sometimes I just sit down and sob
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

When the sun departs
I feel a hole down in my heart
Put on some shoes
Come down here and listen to the blues
Wondering if anything will go right
Or will you dance with me tonight

I’m looking at you
You’re looking at me
We’re the only two off the dance floor
Do you see what I see
Two broken lives working in harmony
Might make for a decent time
So get up and dance with me

I know that it seems that the grass will grow
Better on the other side of the barb wire fence
But that other side is not in sight
So I’m fine with what I have now
If you’ll dance with me tonight

What’s the point of life
If risk is just a board game
You roll the dice
But you’re just hoping that the rules change
What’s the point if you can’t bring yourself to say
Things you wanna say like
Dance with me tonight

An end to things

Reflecting a little on what I said in this post, I am starting to think that perhaps there indeed are a few exceptions where the means are really justified by the ends. But the question would be, who draws the line? Hmmm...

Up up and away

This probably qualifies as an inane rant that is being echoed in thousands? millions? of blogs across South-East Asia as prices of fuel and the associated costs of living sky-rocket through the roof. Even though the impact seems to be quite small to me over here in terms of absolute dollars and cents, the percentage is nonetheless staggering. Cost of a bus ride has gone up 25%, taxi fares 10-20% depending on distance, food with some going up as much as 25-30%, even my room rental has been hit with an increase. Sigh.

A promotion and a raise would be very welcomed indeed now. Anyone? :)

Visiting the Queen

For a change, I have decided to introduce some photos into this blog as I write an After-Action Review of this morning's semi-crazy attempt to see the southern coast of Jogja. Steep in mysticism, Parangtritis beach is the "doorway" to the underwater palace of Ratu Loro Kidul, or Queen of the South Seas. I shan't elaborate too much on this, you can google it ;-) Now, on to the report proper.

Set off point: Novotel Hotel along Jalan Jenderal Sudirman.
Destination: Pantai Parangtritis on the southern coastline of Yogyakarta

The ride: The bicycle was alright. Horribly expensive if you compare to renting from elsewhere, but I wanted some reliability considering the distances involved. As you can see, it at least has suspension on the front forks... not that I think it made a very big difference! The lack of suspension at the rear reminded my butt constantly as I rode over the uneven roads leading out of the city.


Taken while resting at Km13, Jl Parangtritis


The time: 0600 (the earliest I could depart) proved to be a good choice as I avoided much of the traffic. It also provided some good photo opportunities with the rising sun and the farmers coming out to work in their wet rice fields. Weather also remained relatively cool during this leg. At a relatively leisurely pace, 2.5 hours later I touched sand. The return leg commenced at 0930, with the blazing hot sun overhead and the very gentle climb, some rather long breaks, and some detours down the side-roads, I made it back in 3.5 hours. Total journeying time: 7 hours.


Made it! :)


The route: The "published" 29km distance to Parangtritis was not entirely wrong... but inaccurate since they purely mentioned the length of the road which led there (Jalan Parangtritis). For my case, it was an additional 4km or so from Novotel before I was at the start of Jalan Parangtritis. The signboards above the shophouses along the way provided good information as I covered the route, since the addresses posted there included the Km marking (e.g. Jalan Parangtritis Km 13, No. xxx). Getting there was pretty straight forward, stick to the main road heading south without making any turns, and there you are. Total distance covered (including some detours down side-roads to take a look): +/- 70km


The last 100m of Jl Brigjen Katamso before the start of Jl Parangtritis


Sights along the way: Plenty of rice fields, some small-scale timber processing, shops and houses. Most of these would probably look their best at the "golden hours" of the day (which explains the lack of photos on the return-leg). The weather was a little uncooperative with low visibility, if not one could catch a view of Gunung Sewu (the thousand mountains) which form a large part of the south-eastern regency.


Sun rising over a plot of sawah


The beach: If you're thinking nice resort like beaches, think again. Stretching a few km in length and around 300-400m at its widest, it is by no means small, but nice golden sand with swimmable waters is far from what it is. The guidebooks describe it as bleak and desolate, and I would have to say the description is not too far off from reality. Nonetheless, there were plenty of people around just playing on the beach or on the edge of the water (despite huge signs warning of the strong undertow). To the eastern end of the beach, a cliff protrudes out prominently over the sea as the strong waves hammer into it, looking at the wet portions of the beach, it would appear that at high-tide, the water advances right up to the edge where the cliff begins. I should imagine sunsets to be gorgeous from here, perhaps not so much for sunrises as the cliff obscures much of the skyline to the east.


Pantai Parangtritis


Personal thoughts: Having not seen Parangtritis before and also having never attempted such a ride, it was not a bad experience overall. While the "touristy" attraction level of the place is certainly low, I would figure I will make visits again there in future, if only for the sake of cycling that distance and to breathe the clear air tinged with the smell of the sea, just like how it is in the coastal regions of Singapore, oh how I miss it. There is some potential for a very nice shot involving the cliff and the waves that I could possibly try if I bring the right gear along. Next trip I will probably try a different route heading down to Parangtritis, going through Imogiri and a number of other smaller townships instead of the main road. The G9 performed remarkably well, though it seemed to make alot of the mist-obscured regions of the photo turn out purple... a polariser might be of some help here.

Other photos can be found here.

The means to an end

Just a short one for everyone all to think about.

We frequently hear of this phrase "The ends justify the means". Does this really sit right? Morally that is. Can the means, however brutal, be justified by the ends, no matter how noble it may be?

I think not, and this whole saying was probably created by people who refuse to face their conscience and the consequences of their actions.

Can we really?

While helping a classmate translate a particularly cheem piece of reading material, I realised that its contents were so very applicable to something close at heart. Violence and conflict resolution. This piece was talking about some of Gandhi's ideas on how non-violent opposition is the way to go.

As a career soldier, would it be hypocritical of me to even say I half-agree with this? When I am pretty sure if push comes to shove, I would not hesitate to pull the trigger to defend the country and all the people and things I love here.

Non-violence according to Gandhi is a weapon of the strong, do not mistaken it for one second as a reaction of the weak. And yet at the same time when questioned if such a situation was even possible in today's context, he said no. A modern nation state (founded often upon violence), and maintain an army, can never really be non-violent in nature.

Expounding further, one cannot be violent in some aspects and yet non-violent in others. It's an entire state of mind. You're either violent, or you're not. Sounds real easy in theory. But in reality the lines seem to be really blurred... especially when you are on the receiving end.

So... it brings the question of how the heck do you have a non-violent army? -_-"

Just how proud are you of your country. Really.

As I take a break from a long night of writing to Uhm... write this (why am I doing this? LOL), during my search for material as well as pondering on the title and contents of 2 papers due soon, I came across much things that provoked my thoughts on how proud I am of my own country, from what I read, it certainly seems that many are discontent with the state their country is in, with some even going as far slamming it in the press and saying they are ashamed.

Now, regardless of where one hails from, should we be proud of our roots? Scars, warts, pimples and all. Perhaps we have to look deeper, both into the country and ourselves to find that answer. And perhaps, at the same time, discover some purpose and meaning to our lives instead of just scaling the corporate ladder, seeking greater economic success, satisfying and indulging in hedonistic excesses.

Going somewhere where no one knows my name

Thanks to FM, I have gotten myself acquainted to another great song (btw, I leeched it already. LOL!).

I wish I could do what was sung in the song. Leaving all behind and going to where no one knows my name. To start a new life.

After all that has happened, why am I still getting angry when I come across more things.

Mail-to-Blogger Address

Just testing out this rather neat feature I discovered while mucking around in the dashboard settings.

Irony Man

I finally got around to catching Iron Man at the local theatre here. Pretty fine show I might add, really cool to see all the comic book heroes come to life on the big screen with a heavy dose of special effects thrown in. Not to mention when I was younger Iron Man was one of my favourite characters to use when wasting my time playing arcade games like Marvel vs X-Man etc.

Did I forget to mention that I caught the show alone? It was a real odd feeling to stroll into a cinema on my own and take a seat not knowing either of the people on my side. I could still remember the last time I did something like this, it was for Saving Private Ryan on 22 August 1998, Golden Village (Bishan Junction 8). Why the vivid memory? Because the censorship board for reasons unknown decided that the show was too violent, and thus rated it NC-16. I turned 16 on that day :)

Been 10 long years since then. And while on the way back home, I pondered a little on the ironies of my life. I guess what they say is true after all, the future can hardly even be seen. What we had taken for granted could and most likely would slip right through your fingers without you even knowing.

4 weeks to go before I make my way back to SG for the long holidays. It hasn't been all that long since the last time I was back... but it sure seemed like an eternity.

Don't Write Me Off

This is a great great song. Cheesy lyrics. But very poignant.

Don't Write Me Off - Hugh Grant (from Music & Lyrics)

It’s never been easy for me
To find words to go along, with a melody
But this time there’s actually something, on my mind
So please forgive these few brief awkward lines

Since I’ve met you, my whole life has changed
It’s not just my furniture, you’ve rearranged
I was living in the past, but somehow you’ve brought me back
And I haven’t felt like this since before Frankie said relax

And while I know, based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet

For years I’ve been telling myself, the same old story
That I’m happy to live off my so called, former glories
But you’ve given me a reason, to take another chance
Now I need you, despite the fact, that you’ve killed all my plants

And though I know, I’ve already blown more chances
Than anyone should ever get
All I’m asking you, is don’t write me off, just yet
Don’t write me off just yet

Will I still be displaced?

While sipping coffee after gym this morning and having read the papers already, my mind was just wandering, when it occurred to me that I am nearing the half-way mark of my 4 year stay here. Hard to say for sure if it was fast, or it had taken an eternity to get here. But I was just wondering, would I be changing this blog's address after I get back eventually?

The answer dawned on me. After having been away for so long, from friends, from work, from family members, from home (oh home sweet home Singapore!), I don't think I will be feeling any less displaced!

To Forgive But Not Forget

I came across this article in today's The Jakarta Post titled "To Forgive But Not Forget", turns out it is an anthology of short films to commemorate 10 years of reform movement in Indonesia. May 1998 - May 2008, thus giving birth to the name of this project, 9808. Quite a bit of the article in the JP was dedicated to talking about how the mayhem swept across the country and led to the prosecution and rape of the ethnic Chinese here.

It's been 10 years since then, and perhaps it is important to remember that while the ethnic Chinese were the biggest sufferers of that period of turmoil, there were many others who also lost their lives during the reform movement, and the scars are still carried on into today by their family members.

Sure, one can find it in their hearts to forgive, but one can never forget, that much is true.

Lesser of two evils

What exactly would it be? Can one truly justify choosing the lesser of the two evils? Would that be a selfless or a selfish choice then?

They say make a choice and don't look back. Kind of being caught in a dilemma when neither choice gives happiness.

BRB

Due to certain reasons... Blogging will only resume on 1 May.

*bzzzzt*

Don't sweat the small stuff

Came across an article today which I felt rang close to heart. As leaders, sometimes we end up micro-managing, that in itself is not a bad thing, as it shows that you do have some grasp on how the ground works, but most of the time it is just a grossly inefficient way to run things.

Quoting from this article by David Lyman: 90 percent of my work requires concept solutions, not the details of the actual answer. I have a staff to do that

The remaining 10 percent of course as mentioned in his article refers to crunching the numbers. While working this way is of course ideal, in many lines of work where people move from one position to the next higher one in barely the blink of an eye, sometimes they end up ill-equipped to fulfill that 90 percent. Lack of basic knowledge, etc have led to a generation of leaders who would take piecemeal the information from the people below them without questioning. Now that indeed leads to a very dangerous scenario where misinterpretations perpetuates itself until the organisation as a whole fails in its task.

As we carry out our daily tasks, let us not forget some of our basic ground work.

Self validation (part 2)

Remembering from this post, there seem to be no room for heading back now. Not after what happened, not after what has been said and disputed. If a simple act of proving me wrong is too much to ask for, then perhaps there was truly no point for the 39 days of anguish I put myself through.

Never one to jump into conclusions of saying I'm definitely right, one way or another, I will get the truth.

Diary

Seems fitting since this is a diary of sorts.

记事本

翻看随身携带的记事本 写著许多事都是关于你 你讨厌被冷落 习惯被守候
寂寞才找我

我看见自己写下的心情 把自己放在卑微的后头 等你等太久 想你泪会流
而幸福快乐是什么

爱的痛了 痛的哭了 哭的泪了 日记本泪页页执著 记载著你的好 像上瘾
的毒药 它反覆骗著我

爱的痛了 痛的哭了 哭的泪了 矛盾心里总是强求 劝自己要放手 闭上眼
让你走 烧掉日记重新来过

Moving forward

Well things have really been moving forward, even though not in my life, but certainly at least in the area of city development here in Jogja. Tapping this out in the corner of Sagan as I finish off my dinner, it is with some measure of interest that I realised, in 20 months some things have certainly improved around here.

Amongst other things, there is finally an authorised Apple distributor here in Jogja (so I don't have to panic if my power cable decides to go kaput), the place where I am staying has finally gotten a new generator set (which means even the rooms have electricity in the event of a power outage, a fairly common event during the rainy season), internet connection speeds have doubled since I first got connected... E's rusting busted up Kijang even got a new coat of paint, along with new windows and solar film!

The past week has not been particularly enjoyable. Made further worse when it seems to be hard to trust even myself. Where once I would not question my own instincts, I had to ask myself several times if I had lost that sharpness, that edge, which I had felt had been one of my greatest positive points... Has living out here (literally in the boonies when compared to Singapore) blunt my analytical abilities? Blurring lines which I could draw with clarity and absoluteness not that long ago.

Perhaps the answer would reveal itself to me soon.

What in the world...

You don't know know who you are messing with...

A low-point

While certainly far from being a breaking point, yesterday certainly marked the lowest point to date in 2008. Having learned of an inconvenient truth, it seems that the support structures that have existed in the various aspects of life have been systematically failing.

First it was that. Now this. What next? What more does fate have to take away from me in this year.

Talking didn't seem to help. Walking away isn't an option either.

With all the events shaping up to this point, I had thought there was at least one thing I could look forward to, and it could be all but guaranteed to happen. Apparently my belief in the system was well-misplaced. Though a short-term setback, and in the long-term it may not be an issue at all, it still stings bad, like a cold shower and a slap in the face.

Where are you now?

遗忘 - 183 Club

好不好
我想知道
离开我以后
是否很幸福
忘不了
又得不到
这痛苦
又太清楚
where are u now?
现在过得好不好
i'll be home
等待你的回答

*don't say good-bye
等你回来
突然的离开
叫我如何能释怀
我会更勇敢
只要你回来*
where are u now?
别再假装记不了
我的好
被你统统都遗忘掉
where are u now?
现在的你好不好
不重要
你已不再爱我
where are u now?
别再装作你忘啦
我的好

早就被你都遗忘掉
where are u ?
u took it away from me
i will hold on for ever more

别擦去
这最美好的过去
我们相爱过的记忆

And poof they are gone

Today while walking back in a light drizzle, I suddenly realised that the small community of squatters who lived beside the river near where I stay, has up and gone. Suddenly it seemed abit strange, with the landscape having changed as they dismantled their make-shift residences too. From the looks of it, they might have moved on rather than being forcibly evicted. I wonder if they have moved on to something better or have they just plain given up trying to eke out an existence here in the city.

Recently R and me were talking about ambitions, and thanks to his suggestion, I decided to make a 100-things-to-accomplish-before-I-die list... Seems like a good idea as life has been sort of aimless of late. Perhaps it's about time I put it back into perspective.

Stay tuned for that list...

Self validation

Have you ever felt the need to... well... as per the title of this post, self-validate. I know the pundits of i-do-what-i-want-without-fear-or-regret camp will ask why should there even be a need to do this.

Just to quote someone:

Enough is enough when:
(1) the tears ducts refuse working
(2) the heart stiffens
(3) the brain steps forward and take control
(4) the words gets lesser
(5) the distance grows

Today I suddenly felt a need to self-validate. To know for sure what I felt then was real and true. Read some letters. Listened to some songs. Looked at a few photos. It worked and reversed points 1, 2, and 3 completely.

I guess I haven't had enough yet.

Conflict

They say that conflict is omnipresent, it pervades into our very consciousness as human beings, as we are creatures of thought. How true it is, and how lucky folks are in Singapore to not have to face conflict in the violent form, something which cannot be said the same of many other emerging countries. They ask me if there is a solution to inter-ethnic violence, honestly? I think unless our creator takes our minds and run it through a food blender, the possibility to that end looks rather bleak. Unless we meet a entire different species altogether, that becomes a common enemy. There will always be fighting.

Conflict is present too now, right here in my mind. A war of cataclysmic proportions being waged on the battleground made out of synapses. A slow war of attrition that is gradually eating me up from inside. Will one side win? Or will it consume me whole, tainting perception and outlook then on. I wish I had a hand in all this. Unfortunately, it seems that I am but a spectator as I watch events unfold.

From dusk to... dawn?

黄昏
词:陈信荣 曲:周传雄

过完整个夏天
忧伤并没有好一些
开车行驶在公路无际无边
有离开自己的感觉
唱不完一首歌
疲倦还剩下黑眼圈
感情的世界伤害在所难免
黄昏再美终要黑夜
依然记得从你口中说出再见坚决如铁
昏暗中有种烈日灼身的错觉
黄昏的地平线
划出一句离别
爱情进入永夜
依然记得从你眼中滑落的泪伤心欲绝
混乱中有种热泪烧伤的错觉
黄昏的地平线
割断幸福喜悦
相爱已经幻灭

-----

Dusk


After the whole summer,
my sadness still did not improve.
Driving my car on the vast, boundless roads,
I feel that I’m getting out of touch with myself.
The song that I could not finish singing,
Left me so tired that there are rings around my eyes.
It is inevitable to get hurt in the realm of love,
No matter how beautiful the dusk is, the dark night must follow.
I recall that you said, “Goodbye” with a tone of steel,
I had a delusion of being burnt by the sun in the darkening dusk.
The horizon at dusk,
Drew out your line of, “Farewell.”
Love plunges into eternal night.
I still remember the tears falling from your desolated eyes.
In the confusion, there is an illusion of being burnt by the hot tears.
The horizon at dusk,
Severed happiness and joy.
Love has already been destroyed.

Chairs

Why am I dedicating this few minutes of my life to rambling about a piece of furniture which most people only regard as a place to plonk their bottoms.

Well... first of all, they come in all sorts of different styles, some with elaborate carvings, some are made from wood, some from stone, or like your kopitiam chairs... they are made out of plastic. Some have nice fluffy cushions, some are hard and unforgiving for those with scrawny asses... some are high, some are low. You get my drift.

Now if you think about it... aren't they very much like humans? Some make you want to get up and walk away after just a short period, while others make you want to sit there and not get up forever.

You look for them when you're tired. But rudely push it out of the way when you're in a hurry.

They put with your rude obnoxiousness (farting, etc) without complaining... well... unless one of the legs break or something, heh.

Everyone rushes for the prime seat. Just like how the most handsome or most beautiful attract suitors. And even when it is already occupied, there will be people hovering around, waiting for you to get up so that they can claim the seat as theirs.

Turn to your chair now and say "I love you", before someone snatches it away before you get there.

1 knife in the heart. 2 in the stomach.

Haven't been writing for a couple of days as I struggled a little with a bout of stomach flu, or food poisoning, or whatever the hell it was that turned my digestive system upside down. Anyway I'm back, well... mostly anyway.

Moving on to gripe of the day. Handwriting. Sure, everyone has their own personal style and quirks. But please please please remember when you are writing something with the expectation of someone reading it, WRITE LEGIBLY. What's the bloody use of writing when nobody else can read it.

Alright enough of the bitching and moaning from me. Back to working on that assignment...

Dark clouds drift away to the sun...

Rain. It's been raining non-stop here since I pretty much came back, and from what I hear, the weather isn't all that much different back in Singapore.

It's funny how sometimes it seems like the weather is a reflection of your mood and all? How it always seems to rain at funerals. Bright and sunny (most of the time) at weddings. You get what I mean.

Leadership in an ideal world

Ok, I hear you cynics screaming "There is no such thing as an ideal world!", I heard you. But today I'd like to share a little on what I read in one of the many reference texts I'm being forced to go through.

Leadership in an ideal world. For those of you that are leaders, pay attention, what I'm about to say is something we sometimes/often forget. Followers, don't dishearten, there is a bit here for you too.

In an ideal world, the relationship between leaders and followers are symbiotic, or in simpler terms, mutually beneficial. Sure as leaders you appear to enjoy the perks and you're able to delegate tasks out to your followers/subordinates to complete, but let us not forget that as leaders, our first and foremost role is NOT self-advancement, but the welfare of our subordinates. By ensuring their welfare, it will inspire a sense of loyalty towards you. Thus also, the subordinate should not be an ungrateful git by forgetting that his well-being is a result of his leader's efforts, and so should work hard for the greater good of the collective.

In short, make your workers happy, and they will make you happy. Everyone advances.

But... that's an ideal world. In reality, we have difficult bosses, lazy subordinates, etc... Welcome to life. Life's a bitch. Suck it up and move on!

Youngster

I get a great many laughs out of asking people whom I met online to guess my age when they ask about it. Do I really sound all that old? Most express great surprise to find that I am all married and settled down too. I suppose in Singapore's context, it would be quite rare for a guy of this age to be ready to settle down... but I suppose I haven't exactly trod on the beaten path... and reflecting on it, have I grown up too fast? Was it by choice or was I forced to by circumstances?

It brings forth strange feelings when you look back of photos when you were younger and wonder "Good God. Where has THAT me gone?" I was recently doing that as I cleared out my previous laptop to "donate" to a close buddy and I had to carefully sift through all the contents on the HDD (No edison-style pics though! LOL). When all is over and forgotten, photographs and writings are probably all that is left to remind us of the past. One of the reasons why I've put some effort into picking up photography, and perhaps also one of the reasons that pushed me to start blogging again. Would we look back one day and laugh about it? Or would we shed some silent tears inside.

And it would seem that as time wears on, I am headed down yet another one of those paths that the majority do not walk. Okay, I shouldn't be here writing trash when I've *still* got a paper that I'm supposed to finish.

Good night and good morning. Whichever applies to you.

Self-help is no-help?

Well it's official, I'm in a state of coma, lapsing in and out of consciousness... unconscious most of the time. 21 out of the past 24 hours were spent in bed. I figure my exhaustion is catching up after having spent many nights in a chair instead of a proper bed... but maybe somewhere the subconscious is also hoping for time to pass faster. Okay, anyway this post is not about my lack of an insomnia problem. Self-help.

I used to always scoff at people who read these books. Who moved my cheese. 100 ways to scale the corporate ladder. You know. Those kind of books. I did something out of the usual yesterday at the airport. I bought (yes) one of those books.

For those familiar with the author John Gray, would immediately know what kind of book it is. He is the much acclaimed author of... "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". No... I didn't buy that book. But what I bought was something along those lines, in the same genre if you will. It's titled "Men, Women, and Relationships. Making Peace with the Opposite Sex".

I mean, do these books really work? I believe in self-help... but not through a bloody book. The book makes it a 3rd-party help already doesn't it? Oh well, but I bought it anyway. Once I get my assignment out of the way, I think will start reading this. Stay tuned for a no-sugar-coated (I wonder why they bother printing those praises from whoever on the covers) review from me once I'm done with it.

Life goes on

"Life goes on". What the hell is that supposed to mean, I mean really? That simple 3 word sentence uttered as I stepped away continued to ring through my head as its initial sledgehammer impact faded. I've been asking many question of late. Questions which have no answer. I'm exhausted yet I cannot get a proper night's rest. I haven't given up yet I feel devoid of hope. There are things that need to be done yet I cannot do them.

Life goes on. I'm still waiting for that ray of sunshine to break through the gloom and doom that has shrouded me since 9 days ago (or have I been blind and it was truly since December last year?)

Life goes on...

It's me again

Having gone on-off blogging for the better part of the past few years, I surprised myself by wanting to pick up that "blogging pen" and start writing once again. Not that it would actually matter, for most of my postings have been inane ramblings which has no particular significance nor interest for the casual reader.

But just recently, after reading the unkster's blog, or actually it has become fm's personal blog, LOL!, the itch to just blog for the sake of blogging has returned.

Perhaps I should have started this blog sooner, it might have relieved me of some anguish, stress, confusion, and a whole myriad of other emotions that I have been going through in the past one week that I have been back here in Singapore. Well certainly there have been interesting, some might say alarming, events in the news, but for me, they have all faded into the background due to other much more important things that have unfolded in my life of late.

What can I say or do? I'm already doing all that I can... and sadly that is all that I can do.

As the minutes tick away to my impending departure (yet again) for my home away from home out there in the shadow of Gunung Merapi, I've come no closer to getting an answer which I so desperately seek yet unable to obtain. OP commented that I seem to be looking better, he senses that I've come to some sort of acceptance as compared to the anguished state that led us to finishing a bottle of my dad's collection while shooting the breeze on the balcony. But is it acceptance really? or have I just lapsed into hopeless despair.

How different would this round be when I step through the security checks to go into the departure lounge? I'd find out in about 12 hours time... And sadistic as it sounds, I hope that it would be as painful if not more compared to the previous times.